Not Too Proud

<.<

There are times when I don't feel very proud of myself to the point of frustration and disbelief. In those times, I often believe that things turned out that way because it was my own fault. I should listen to that other voice that tells me "to be prepared and careful" instead of the other voice that says "saving time and effort is always better".

I got into a car accident last Friday evening. Until now I didn't feel like talking about it. It happened at the flyover in Klang town where traffic was extremely slow moving. (It doesn't matter that it was so slow I got bored.) Upon reaching that place, I was overcome by sleepiness that crept up from goodness knows where. (Sleepy drivers are on my list of 'people who should not drive'. I should not drive when sleepy.)

I took into consideration that I had a long day. I had been awake since 5.40AM that day and had to wait for classes to start at 11AM after arriving in uni at 7.30AM. (It's the same everyday, I arrive in uni at around 7.30AM because my brother starts at 8 each day and I have no other choice but to follow.) But in spite of all that, I still couldn't forgive myself for falling asleep that day. (It was a rather minor accident considering the fact that only bumpers [of the other car] and kangaroo bars [my car] were damaged.) The other driver was, well (after a long period of negotiations and considerations and phone calls and thanking God for friends who can help), extremely considerate (and I'm not trying to be sarcastic).

Until Sunday came.

I had to be there early on Sunday since it was my praise and worship team's duty that day. I was also supposed to play the hymns for the first service since someone else always play for the second service only.

At that time, especially because it was Sunday and I was in church, I get to hear my peers pray or encourage each other in preparation for worship; listen to the songs and really meditating on it; listen to the sermon about persecuted Christians in other countries that really made me realize how self-centered I was. Even later during the training for P&W probationers, learning again and reminding myself what worship means really helped me get over my frustrations. (As to how... eheh... like I said in my previous post: things that should be kept in the heart, should stay in the heart. Haha... Some of my thoughts are just too personal.)

The main thing was, remembering again that there is a bigger picture and that God would never forsake me. He is my God, my Father, my Friend, my Comforter, my Shepherd, my Healer, my Light, and my Guide. In times of trouble and in times of need, He will always be there.